Here in the tropics where TV is abysmal (because even the expensive satellite shows are compromised by rainstorms) we are treated to some of the poxiest reality shows of all time. Quite the worst are two cooking shows - one hosted by a fat lady who tags herself as the 'barefoot contessa' and the other by an elderly, chunky, southern belle and her two reluctant, beefy sons, each of whom she addresses as 'sern'. Their houses and kitchens are very beautiful. BUT ...
The problems I have with these shows are manifold, none the least of which is how the hosts are so darn fat since I saw them last a couple of years back. That's easily explained by the ghastly food they cook (eg. White hot chocolate with a 1/2 pound of white chocolate melted into milk and cream, some stuff with melted cheese in it and the pan drippings are doubly cheesy). But what is the worst is watching them slurp and swoon over the food they have cooked. Think of it this way, chaps, most of the world is starving at the moment and do I hear you sending any of that food over to any of them? Rachael Ray (bless her cheery little crooked smile) has organised food for the needy. Ther is actually a reason the English Royals don't like to be seen eating in public (and it has not much to do with Princess Di's anorexia) but it is because it was considered somewhat bad-mannered to be exercising the alimentary canal in public. Other nations have different customs - the Italians love you to slurp, the Thais don't mind an occasional burst of wind and like a littel something left on the plate, the Chinese like a bit of mess on the table and Aussies, well, they just like to embrace all the cultures and do the lot. Most can't be put into a reality show without making the audience a little queasy. But that is exactly what is happening these days. There's slurping, finger licking and double dipping of tasting spoons, sharing spoons and forks and so on and it is no wonder we are all getting sick, all those germs and dirty practices being passed around and demonstrated on telly
How then, do you script a cooking show? In many ways, Martha Stewart's 'sticky notes on the counter' is where she comes unstuck and results in her aloof, disconnected delivery. Rachael Ray seems to excel at adlibbing and being able to work to a floor manager's countdown becasue she appears to know her material extremely well. A director I worked with once many years ago had the belief that if you get an Joe Blow to talk about something they love or excel at, it will always come out right. I am not 100% convinced of that having seen so many hosts flounder when in their comfort zone as their minds wander.
I'm for cue cards. They are honest and generally work. Of course, a practiced host using Teleprompters with pointers (not slabs of script) can work well but when you also have to wrangel ingredients and bowls and pans, even that be a challenge.
Scripting should always be carried out with the host (or their cooking assistant) in order to get down on paper the pointers and stages of cooking, the hints and thoughts that are going to make your host shine and be unique. Remember to make the type face on cards exactly right for your host's eyesight. Plenty have come unstuck by using a font too small.
DO NOT use the words 'It doesn't get much better than this' or 'There you have it' or I will personally come down and give you a stinging slap. It's just not 21st century to say that. Those sentences should have been left in the 90s!
